Wednesday 30 April 2014

125 Not Out...

The Northern League season isn't quite finished yet; next Monday Jarrow Roofing take on Washington in the Ernest Armstrong Cup Final at Hebburn in the penultimate game, before Whitley Bay v Marske United at St James' Park in the Brookes Mileson League Cup Final brings the curtain down on the 125th season. Heaton Stannington have already completed our fixtures; a 6-1 win over Washington on Saturday 26th saw The Stan finish in 5th place with an amazing 81 points. The night before the Tyneside Amateur League completed its fixtures with a 3-2 win for Ryton & Crawcrook Albion Reserves over Lindisfarne Custom Planet in the Neville Cowey Cup Final. Here's an article I submitted for the programme & a snap by Paul Mosley to show what a lovely night it was. Since I wrote the article, Jarrow Roofing have secured the third promotion spot, while Spennymoor are champions. As yet, it is unclear whether Esh Winning or Ryton & Crawcrook Albion will be relegated...


I’d like to take this opportunity to welcome you all to Grounsell Park this evening for the second Tyneside Amateur League cup final to be held at The Stan in successive weeks. If you were here last week for Hazlerigg’s 2-0 triumph over Newcastle Medics; I trust you enjoyed yourself, so welcome back. Last week I saw less than 30 seconds of the game as I was called into service behind the bar. Tonight I’m hoping to catch a bit more of the action, as putting all pretence of neutrality to one side, I’d like to see my former student Tony Fawcett’s Lindisfarne Custom Planet side in action.

This evening is the penultimate competitive game to be played on our pitch, with the final one being tomorrow’s visit of Washington; it’s a 3pm kick off and £3 in. Please come along if you enjoy yourself tonight. Regardless of the result tomorrow, Heaton Stannington will finish the season in 5th place in Northern League Division 2. Three teams will be promoted, with North Shields deservedly claiming the title. The Robins have easily been the best team on the pitch, as well as boasting the highest crowds; on Good Friday they beat the almost as impressive runners-up West Allotment Celtic in front of an unbelievable 1312. While a considerable number were part of the Northern League groundhop, an awful lot more were lads from NE29. The third promotion spot will be filled by either Seaham Red Star, who ended their programme last week, cursing a 3 point deduction for fielding an ineligible player, or Jarrow Roofing who, as well as having the Division 2 Ernest Armstrong cup final against Washington to prepare for, require 3 points from their final 2 games to pip Seaham. At the foot of Division 2, either Esh Winning or Ryton & Crawcrook Albion will finish bottom and be replaced by Ryhope CW from the Wearside League, who have finally brought their ground up to the required standard.

The promoted sides will be replaced by Billingham Town, who conceded a scarcely credible 207 league goals, Hebburn Town, who didn’t fare much better and Team Northumbria, who will provide The Stan with a local derby I suppose. At the top of the table things were simplified considerably by the events of Easter Monday; following their 1-1 draw with Benfield, West Auckland Town, who still have 6 league games to play, can’t win the title or finish in the top 2 and will no doubt be focussing their attention on winning the FA Vase at Wembley on May 10th, two years after disappointingly losing out to Dunston also at the final stage. Third placed Shildon can still finish second, but won’t win the title and will have to make do with the Durham Challenge Cup that they won on Good Friday by beating favourites Spennymoor 2-1. Consequently, the league is now a two horse race between leaders Spennymoor, who have 94 points from 41 games and Celtic Nation, who have 92 points from 43 games. These two sides are the only ones who have applied for promotion and the winner will take it all; with a superior goal difference of +78 to +63, Spenny surely only need a draw to claim the silverware and leave the Northern League after 4 titles in the last 5 seasons.

The final piece of silverware to be decided, after Northern League teams missed out on the final of the Northumberland Senior Cup with that competition being a tussle between Newcastle United Reserves and Blyth Spartans, is the Northern League Cup. On Tuesday May 6th Whitley Bay, who overcame a brave resistance by second division Whitehaven, will take on Marske United who upset the form book by demolishing Ashington 4-1 in the other semi-final. The final will take place at St James’ Park, which will be a fitting end to the 125th anniversary celebrations of the world’s second oldest league. 


Thursday 24 April 2014

We'll always have Burslem.......

DUCK is Stoke City's magnificent fanzine. I'm delighted to have been included in 3 of the 7 issues so far. This is my piece in the latest edition, out on 26 April....



James Ellroy is the world’s greatest crime writer, with the ability to construct frightening tales of political corruption, state terror and criminal conspiracies that weave factual events and characters with his own version of ultra hard boiled fiction. His masterpiece is Underworld USA; a ghastly trilogy of political malfeasance and imperialistic bad juju from 1958 to 1972; the first volume American Tabloid, covers 1958 to 1963, the middle book The Cold Six Thousand addresses the matrix of American politics and crime from 1963 to 1968, so you can see exactly where the final volume, Blood’s a Rover, is going: the '68 election, the Mob's foreign casino plan, Nixon in office, though it stops short of Watergate. When asked why, Ellroy commented “Watergate bores me. It’s been done to death. And most of the characters are still alive, so you can’t use them fictionally.” Similarly, I’ve only even seen one Stoke City v Newcastle United game; the 0-4 League Cup game in October 1995, so instead I’m going to tell you about my one and only trip to Vale Park.

On Friday 20th December 1991, we moved into a new house about a quarter of a mile from the city centre on the night Newcastle lost 2-0 at Plymouth Argyle to drop into the relegation zone of Division 2. Boxing Day we lost 1-0 at home to Middlesbrough in a noon kick off that I slept in for; waking at 11.52 and entering the ground at 12.17. On 28th December, we struggled past Bristol Rovers 2-1 and headed down to her family in South Yorkshire at full time. Newcastle lost 4-0 at Southend United on New Year’s Day to drop to 23rd and her brother-in-law took me to Sheffield Wednesday 1 Oldham Athletic 1, as the family’s team Barnsley were losing 2-0 away to sunderland. After a cup loss to Bournemouth on penalties, 11th January saw us 2-0 down to Watford by 3.05; we pulled back to draw as I watched Hull City 3 Stockport County 1, having taken my sister back down to university in the East Riding. Remember Kingmaker? We saw them on 18th January, after Charlton Athletic had come from 3-0 down to win 4-3 at SJP with a last minute own goal by Liam O’Brien. After a blank weekend, Newcastle dropped to bottom of the table at the start of February, losing 5-2 at Oxford, while I took in Gateshead 1 Barrow 0 in the FA Vase. Things were grim.

Ossie Ardiles was sacked and Kevin Keegan appointed in the next midweek, before we beat Bristol City 3-0 at home on the 8th. The week after, as I watched Hartlepool defeat Preston 2-0, momentum slowed with a 3-1 loss at Blackburn Rovers, for whom David Speedie scored a hat trick. We held a belated housewarming party on Friday 21st, inviting 80 friends, colleagues and neighbours, while accommodating most of her family. The next day Newcastle were held 1-1 by Barnsley, to remain in the bottom three.

Back then I taught in a school, which is where we met; she was a postgraduate student teacher on placement and me three years into the job. We hit it off by conversing in the universal language of gigs and football, going to see The Pixies, Galaxie 500 and That Petrol Emotion, as well as a goalless draw between Newcastle and Barnsley in November 1990 in our first fortnight together. We shacked up in January 91. She finished her course and got a job, so I sold my flat and we bought our house; started planning a future together and spent February half term decorating the lounge and front bedroom, as well as seeing The Wedding Present on the Tuesday night. She went down to her family on the Friday morning and I would follow the day after, via a circuitous route.

1991/1992 St James Park had a 30,000 capacity and an 18,000 average crowd before Keegan took over. Season tickets in the Milburn Stand were £161; that’s £7 a game. About a dozen of us sat together; not always in the same seats, because it wasn’t busy enough for that, but in the same area; mid 20s to early 30s, lifelong, cynical fans, having a drink and a smoke on a Saturday, laughing at the clueless shit on display, but not taking it too seriously. Except when we went away, of course. I’d reined in the Newcastle away games since we’d got together; still watched a game every Saturday, but figured a total spend of a tenner on a local game compared to a ton all-in on an awayday showed my commitment and maturity. She was great though as she understood the game; she loved football and we loved each other, so when I told her I’d never been to Burslem she encouraged me to go.


Saturday morning; 8.30 and the lift arrived. Paddy  driving, Mark acting as navigator and Peter  dying of a hangover in the back. I snuck in next to him and we floored it out of the city, heading west to Carlisle on the A69, then a long trawl south down the M6, with Peter snoring and farting the whole way. Go on Google now and it tells you A1(M), M62, M6, A500 to Port Vale in just over 3 hours from Tyneside, but we didn’t have Google 22 years ago; just those big spiral bound AA road atlases with the ripped or missing pages and footprints across the section you needed to look at.

We had a rare treat because of the presence of CD player though, as Paddy’s car from work was a sleek executive saloon; Nevermind, Bandwagonesque and Loveless were the playlist that morning. We stopped at Killington Lake services for a pissbreak and ruminated over Keegan’s new signings of Kevin Sheedy on a free from Everton and Brian Kilcline on loan from Coventry, while chewing on overpriced bacon sandwiches as Feed Me With Your Kisses airburst huge clouds of staccato feedback all across the Cumbrian fells on a dark Saturday morning. This is doing fuck all for my hangover, opined Peter as he jettisoned his breakfast roll in favour of a Marlboro. Almost a quarter of a century later and I’d defend those selections with my life; Teenage Fanclub, My Bloody Valentine and Nirvana remain firm favourites and, I’m proud to say, have filtered down the generations as my son adores all three bands as well.

Back on the road, we swapped the sounds to Shiftwork by The Fall (“When have they let you down? When have they ever?” John Peel circa 1979) and made slow progress through roadworks, finally arriving in the Potteries around 1.00; it had taken us nearly 4 hours, discounting the comfort break and we were thirsty, apart from Peter who then volunteered to drive back as his condition was such that drink was off the agenda. I remember we passed Eric Bristow’s pub; was there a large electronic dartboard outside? Were him and Maureen still loved up back then? Paddy parked up and found the nearest bar; nondescript, functional, fizzy lager and fizzy keg. I don’t recall its name, but we got the regulation pre-match half gallon and then headed for the ground, paying on the door of course, as a damp afternoon turned ever colder.

SJP was a dump back then, most grounds were, but Vale Park seemed to take this to another dimension. All I remember is the NCB Opencast orange stand and an away end fringed on all sides by sheets of corrugated iron; brilliant for percussive accompaniment to chanting, but lacking any architectural merit. The pitch was massive and spongy; mud churned as our yellow away shirts were begrimed in filth as we toiled away. Steve Watson scored the only goal in front of us on the half hour and we went collectively insane; maybe 2,000 of us on crumbling terraces watching a relegation battle at the bottom of Division 2, but it meant so much. Lee Clark should have added a second, but fired wide and we all nervously held our breath when former NUFC youth striker Joe Allon came on for them, but he was shit and we won the game 1-0. 

At the end of the season, Vale went down and we stayed up, so it was an important win, as all wins are.
Full time, we ecstatically found the car and a corner shop for some cans to aid the journey, using Radio 5 as entertainment as we headed east, to eventually drop me at Junction 38 of the M1, just as 606 was finishing. Paddy and Mark would be in town for 9.00 at the latest and Peter would be in bed. She picked me up and we headed out to The Cherry Tree in the village of High Hoyland for a family meal. They were in a good mood as The Tykes had beaten Charlton 1-0 and it was a great night.

About 9.30, mine and her paths coincided in the corridor by the bogs; her coming out and me going in. She asked me if I knew what date it was; I didn’t. Turns out it was 29th February; the Leap Year day. She did as she was entitled to and proposed to me; marriage was something we’d never talked of before, being vehemently opposed to such bourgeois conformism, but I was flattered. I loved her and it seemed a good idea, so I said yes. A good day out turned wonderful and we had an even better one on Friday 31st July; tying the knot in Barnsley Registry Office and having the do in The Cherry Tree, with a strict playlist of Johnny Cash, The Pogues and The Wedding Present (naturally).

Paddy, Peter and Mark were all there. Sadly I don’t see them any longer. Paddy’s married with two grown up kids and living in County Wicklow, where his parents were from. Peter took redundancy from the Civil Service and lives in the middle of nowhere outside Northallerton, working as a painter. Mark sacked off being a Financial Advisor to run a beachside café at Tynemouth. I’m still in teaching, but involved with adult, community education. She’s still a teacher; Deputy Head in fact.

We talk on the phone maybe once a month, now our son’s almost 19 and away to University come September. It was difficult after the divorce in 2001 to behave in an adult fashion, but that’s a while ago now and we’re past all that. Life moves on, but we’ll always have Burslem…




Sunday 20 April 2014

Stan by Stan

It's always busy towards the end of the season; cup finals and the like, not to mention the Northern League Easter groundhop. On Good Friday, we hosted Hazlerigg victory 2 Newcastle Medics 0 in the Tyneside Amateur League John Hampson Memorial Trophy final. I wrote a few notes about that for the programme, as I did for Jarrow Roofing's programme against us on the Saturday morning leg of the groundhop. We lost 1-0 and I wasn't there as I was playing for Winstons in our narrow 8-0 win the Over 40s at home to Rolls Royce. Also in the programme, Michael Hudson wrote a lovely bit about The Stan. Here's all that stuff now, with photos by Paul Mosley (1) and Michael Hudson (2 & 3)....


Following The Stan in 2013/2014

It’s a great honour to be asked again by Paul Mosley to pen an article for this programme. I’ve known Paul in his Tyneside Amateur League guise for a few years now (I’ve known him for considerably longer than that as he did his A Levels at the College where I worked, about a decade ago now) and was always pleased to contribute a few words when the TAL finals were held at my previous club Percy Main Amateurs in previous seasons.

I left Percy Main last summer and made the step up to the Northern League with my local side Heaton Stannington; having been a High Heaton resident for the past 16 years now, I was delighted to be offered and even more delighted to accept the role of Press Officer and Programme Editor with The Stan. I’m equally pleased to see that Paul has followed me to NE7 by bringing a couple of the TAL finals to Grounsell Park and we’re particularly pleased to welcome you all here tonight. Let’s hope we can put the cap on a truly Good Friday, though I somehow doubt we’ll match the crowds that will have turned out to see the Northern League Division 2 title decider between North Shields and West Allotment Celtic at Raply Gardener Park, or the big local derby at Hillheads in Division 1 between who we must now learn to call Leon Ryan’s Whitley Bay and Steve Bowey’s massively improved Benfield side. If I’m looking a little weary, it’s because I’m intending to take in both of those games as well.

Tomorrow afternoon I’ve sensibly knocked back the offer of a spare seat at SJP; it may not have been putting money into Ashley’s pocket, but I’d still feel defrauded as a Free ticket Mag, so I’m contemplating the love-in between Washington and Seaham Red Star instead. I’ll be up early though, as The Stan are in action at 11am on the next leg of the Northern League groundop, in what will be our final away fixture of the season. However, if you like it here, please drop by next Tuesday at 7.30 for the visit of Alnwick Town or next Saturday 26th (the day after the other Tyneside amateur League final we are hosting), when we ring donw the curtain on our season with the visit of Washington.

At the time of writing, it seems as if tomorrow’s encounter could be The Roofing’s most crucial game of the season, but for The Stan it has less significance as, barring a mathematical miracle, we’ll end this campaign in fifth place. Far from feeling despondent that we’ve missed out on promotion, we are justly proud of all that has been achieved both on and off the pitch. Those of you who’ve not visited the ground in a while will know what I mean, as you’re probably staggered at the transformation of the place.

2013/2014 has been both a steep learning curve and a matter of enormous pride seeing just how far The Stan have come in twelve short months. One second division player who really ought to have known better (no names; no pack drill), forecast on the dreadful and divisive non league zone that The Stan would endure “a long hard season;” well, we have, but not in the way he suggested. We’ve actually enjoyed it!! 

Being frank, our squad has been a credit to the club all season.  Putting playing matters to one side, the facts are that a year after our arrival from the Northern Alliance, Grounsell Park now boasts state of the art floodlights and a smart stand, with plenty of scope for the installation of extra seats should they be needed. In addition, a popular and idiosyncratic programme sells out each home game, where hot and cold food is readily available when at one time the only refreshments to be got came from the Maxpax machine at ATS next door. The hard work of our vibrant, growing band of volunteers is mirrored by the fact a team that had half a dozen watching them a few years back now has the second highest average attendance in the division, because we’re all proud to Follow The Stan; you’d be very welcome to join us, especially with 3 hand pulled real ales in the bar at £2.35 a pint!!


Heaton Stannington by Heaton Stannington

Today’s game is the final away fixture in our first season back in the Northern League. At the time of writing, it seems as if today could be The Roofing’s most crucial game of the season, but for us it has less significance as, barring a mathematical miracle, we’ll end the campaign in fifth place. Far from feeling despondent that we’ve missed out on promotion, we are justly proud of all that has been achieved both on and off the pitch. It has been both a steep learning curve and a matter of enormous pride just how far The Stan have come in twelve short months. One second division player who really ought to have known better, forecast on the dreadful non league zone that The Stan would endure “a long hard season;” well, we have, but not in the way he suggested. Being frank, our squad has been a credit to the club all season.  Putting playing matters to one side, the facts are that a year after our arrival from the Northern Alliance, Grounsell Park now boasts state of the art floodlights and a smart stand, with plenty of scope for the installation of extra seats should they be needed. In addition, a popular and idiosyncratic programme sells out each game, where hot and cold food is available when the only refreshments used to be available from the Maxpax machine at ATS next door. The hard work of our vibrant, growing band of volunteers is mirrored by the fact a team that had half a dozen watching them a few years back now has the second highest average attendance in the division, because we’re all proud to Follow The Stan. Especially with 3 hand pulled real ales available at £2.30 a pint!


Heaton Stannington by Jarrow Roofing

Heaton Stannington go back to 1910, the year the club first affiliated to the Northumberland FA.  Northumberland Amateur Cup winners in 1937 and Tyneside League runners-up in 1938-39,  the black and whites played their first seven seasons of Northern League football either side of World War II, but had to wait 61 years before starting on their eighth. 

Admitted to the Northern League in a second round of voting – polling eight to Chilton Colliery’s five to become the first Northumbrian member club since Newcastle ‘A’ left for the North Eastern League in 1906  – the truncated 1939-40 season saw Heaton defeat South Bank 7-2 – Colin Seymour, son of England international and Newcastle United title-winner Stan Seymour, among the scorers - and draw with Amateur Cup holders Bishop Auckland in a League Cup tie watched by 1,283 at St James’ Park.   When the League resumed in 1945, the Stan had to sit out the first season as non-playing members due to the continuing presence of the military at Newton Park, returning to finish eighth in 1946-47.

Low gates and heavy transport costs began to take their toll, the club slumping to the foot of the table and quitting the league for a fortnight in the summer of 1949.  Despite reaching a League Cup semi-final in 1951-52, they could rise no higher than the bottom three in any of their final five seasons.  In 1952 they resigned their position, were replaced by Durham City, and dropped into the Northern Football Alliance.
Twice beaten finalists in the Northumberland Senior Cup, the club owed its continued survival to stalwarts like Bob Grounsell – player and secretary during his 60 years at Newton Park, which was later renamed in his honour – and Bill Colwill.  In 1982 a hike in the ground rent forced another resignation – this time from the Wearside League, which they’d joined from the Alliance a decade before. A year later it took a High Court case to fend off the threat of a supermarket being built over what had been the club’s home pitch since 1934. 

The legal victory was doubly important, leaving the club with ownership of the ground. After rejoining the Northern Football Alliance in 1986, long-serving manager Derek Thompson led his team to back-to-back Premier League titles and added both the League Cup and Northumberland Senior Benevolent Bowl in 2012-13, capping a triumphant year in which they also hosted the Gabon U23 team in a warm-up game for the 2012 London Olympics.

Although their own promotion bid has tailed off recent weeks, a 1-0 win at West Allotment Celtic, a goalless draw with North Shields and, of course, November’s 4-3 home triumph against the Roofers provide ample evidence of the threat the Stan pose this afternoon.  Helped by 30+ league goals from former Hibernian junior Jonathan Wright (who also found time to score three in one start and three substitute appearances for Vase finalists West Auckland Town), Thompson’s side have performed superbly in what everyone here at Roofing hopes is just the first of many successful seasons back in the Northern League. 







Monday 7 April 2014

On the Wrong Bus


It might be stress related, or it could just be the usual bout of intractable exhaustion I suffer from at the end of a long term, but I’ve been in a right foul mood of late. On Saturday morning just gone, for example, our Over 40s team Wallsend Winstons were being presented with the trophy for being champions of Division 4. Ordinarily, this is done by Vince Williams the league secretary, but because of Football Focus coming from Wallsend Memorial Hall as the programme was dedicated to the Boysa, there was a second presentation; by Alan Shearer, live on telly. Sounds great eh? Well it was, and I should have been revelling in the moment, but it started to grate that the invite wasn’t for the whole team. Only a select few made the cut and they had to be in position for filming sharpish, so we had to kick off an hour early against Thornley Celtic. Fair play to them; they travelled 30 odd miles, agreed to a 9.30 start and applauded as we got the trophy first time around. Personally, I was feeling more irritated than happy; wondering why we had to constantly dance to the Boys’ Club’s tune, especially as we lost 3 first choice players at the break when only 1-0 up. Still, I’d cheered up by full time as we won 6-1, despite being completely bamboozled by the lob that was the one goal I conceded. However, when I finally got to see Football Focus on Sky Plus, sometime around 10 on Saturday night and watched our captain Aidan Hughes accepting the trophy from Alan Shearer, I was in a much less spiky mood, but despite having half a dozen Rivet Catchers on board, I would have to say I was actually more bemused than calmed by the way the day had panned out.  

One piece of good news I’d found out in the early evening, related to my last blog about standing for TUSC in the forthcoming Council Elections, is that UCU IBL won the arguments over UCU Left at our special FE sector conference in Manchester, meaning that UCU won’t be tearing itself apart in an internecine, recondite conflict over an unwinnable point of principle, too arcane to enter into here. In fact, this news was a huge burden lifted from my shoulders as I’d have to have considered my position as a branch secretary if we’d lost, or even quit the union. I must pay tribute to our Branch Chair who, not being a football fan, had offered to go down for the weekend and represent us at the meeting. However, the realpolitik of football kept me busy all weekend.

While my union branch is strong and united, the joke I make, in contrast to all my repeated imprecations for fan unity on here, in print and via social media, is that the one thing most NUFC fans have in common is that they can’t stand me. This half-truth may have something to do with my persona being a combination of an obsessive need to discover the truth as I see it, with an unfortunate uncontrollable urge to make infuriatingly mischievous comments and adopt wildly contradictory positions, all for the sake of a wind up. I should grow up, shouldn’t I? Perhaps I should also remember, once in a blue moon, how these foolish quips can offend and irritate, then perhaps try to either bite my cyber lip or fight the urge to cry foul if someone snaps back at me; “don’t be a cunt” was the best piece of advice I’ve had in Barca all year. However, the way things have happened this weekend, I’ve not even had time to be a prick never mind a cunt.

You see, sometimes the sheer pace of events can knock you not just off your guard, but right off your feet. As far as Newcastle United are concerned, the absolute significance and final magnitude of the first weekend in April in 2014 may not be fully appreciated until time adds perspective to the chain of incidents that has left me struggling to comprehend what could happen next. However, I’m getting ahead of myself here; let’s look back on the previous week.



In the wake of the 3-0 and 4-0 humiliations by Everton and Southampton, Pards sat blandly behind a desk, mic in hand, and waffled his way through the usual bingo card of banal, platitudinous inanities about “working hard on the training pitch” to “get things right” for “the fans” who are “hurting, just like we are.” Grayson Perry has Alan Measles, while Mike Ashley has Alan Weasel. Nobody would have given Pards and his weasel words any less credence if Steven Taylor had uttered them; suffice to say, it appears that Pards and Tim Sherwood get their lorry load of bespoke clichés delivered by courier just before each press conference. It really is an insult to our collective intelligence that Pards has the temerity to continue to say these things, which we know he doesn’t believe; typically enough, Pards got “the reaction” he was striving for when Manchester United, who’ve struggled to win an argument this campaign, cruised home 4-0 to almost mass indifference from the entire North East, which is as great an indictment of the poisonous Ashley regime as I can think of. How on earth this populist charlatan is still in a job when a fundamentally decent man like Chris Hughton has been bulleted by Norwich City is beyond me; perhaps Ashley and Pards assume that eventually indifference will defeat anger and the club will sink into a state of turgid inertia; the cash sea cow in the Premier League’s pelagic zone, avoiding relegation and churning out enough of a profit to allow the “owner” to get his money back sooner than later. 

Clearly, I wasn’t at the game, so the only passion I saw on Saturday 5th April from Newcastle United fans was the righteous anger of those missing the 38 from outside Grounsell Park into town. I told them they ought to take this as a sign to jack in their tickets and follow The Stan, but the initial outlay in buying a season ticket has kept a considerable number of people over a barrel. It will be interesting to see how true this pernicious economic endgame will be next season when the effect of those intending to chuck their financial and emotional commitment to the club can be analysed. These days it seems either the excuse for a day on the gargle or the sheer cost of tickets is often the only reason why people justify attending St. James Park, or at least it used to be. I was given a free ticket for SJP for Saturday gone, which I obviously had no intention of using, and it must have taken me 10 attempts to get rid of it; for nothing as well. Imagine that being the case 20 years ago? Unthinkable, as was the idea of half a dozen Newcastle fans sacking off this game to go and support a non-league side from the other end of the country against Blyth Spartans. Still, they could probably feel justified as they sat on the X5 back home as the Real BSFC, the most famous non-league club in the world, had lost 1-0 at home to a team followed by Manchester United fans in absentia

Replicating such indolent indifference, NUST made it 11 weeks since their AGM and 8 weeks since the election results for the NUST Board without any sign of a public meeting or meaningful dialogue with the membership, so as an ordinary member of both NUST and FSF, I contacted the regulatory body for fan-led organisations, Supporters Direct, to see what their opinions about this state of affairs were. In short, the bloke who got back to me wasn’t too keen on intervening just yet; edited highlights of his email are as follows -:

The number of meetings that NUST has had since their AGM is not a surprise… What is important is that a trust communicates regularly with their membership and potential supporters… I have taken the time to speak with Peter Fanning (person responsible for minutes of Fans Forum being post on NUST website in breach of agreed protocol and recently reselected NUST Board member) from the Trust, and he has explained that they will be holding more open meetings in the not too distant future. All I can advise at this stage is that you continue to play an active role as a member, and continue to show an interest in NUST's activities: Active membership is vital to the success of an organisation like NUST, and indeed the wider trust movement. If you do ever have any further concerns or more information, please let me know, but at this stage I don't have any concerns that I view would merit require further investigations.

Clearly, that last sentence was an invite for further contact from me and, as yet, I await Supporters Direct’s response to my follow-up email. Obviously they’ll be as amazed as I am by the news of the Mike Ashley Out Campaign’s latest publicity stunt.



Last week, the story of Mark Menzies was all over the press; a Tory MP caught with his strides down in the presence of a rent boy with half a pound of jazz talc up his bugle. Amusing though the negative publicity was, his sexuality and personal indiscretion is only a story in the sense it allowed the ruling elite to slip out the news in Monday’s Financial Times that 60% of the ConDem’s austerity measures are yet to bite; that is a real tragedy.  Maria Miller MP trousering a load of dodgy expenses is a similar red herring; of course she’s corrupt, avaricious and should be hounded out of public life at the earliest opportunity, but keep your eyes on the bigger picture. Miller and Menzies may be the sacrificial lambs slaughtered as true capitalist malfeasance actually runs amok. The good thing is that at least I know how to respond to this news; unfortunately I’m really unsure what to make of the Mike Ashley Out Campaign’s open top bus stunt.

Initially when I heard about it, I was staggered at how corny it seemed. However, I attended both the coffin stunt and the Willie Wonka parody, both of which went off well. I wasn’t at the Time 4 Change march, but by all accounts it was a roaring success. As my last NUFC blog (http://payaso-de-mierda.blogspot.co.uk/2014/03/anomie-in-uk.html) pointed out, Graeme Cansdale, the owner of Mike Ashley Out Campaign is a man of impeccable morals and unstinting devotion to his motivation of removing Ashley, even if his assistants on Twitter seem happy to compromise the imperative of fan ownership in the hope of finding a Geordie billionaire. However, Graeme has been on the NUST Board for 2 months now and I’m still waiting for the email announcing when an ordinary meeting of members is taking place, which is an indictment of the entire NUST Board, especially as we ordinary members have had no explanation for this wall of silence. Perhaps this appropriation of the code of omerta is why seats on the open topped bus weren’t available for ordinary members of NUST; indeed it doesn’t as yet appear possible to get the rationale behind the mechanism for inviting the MAOC chosen few who made it into the inner sanctum on the top deck. Additionally, as yet, I’ve not heard anything first hand from anyone who saw or took part in this bus stunt. If I do, I’ll let you know. Frankly, despite freelancer Martin Hardy writing about it in The Independent, very few people I know have given the bus stunt a first, never mind a second thought.

What is captivating the attention of many people of my acquaintance is the incontinent and immediate disappearance of the print versions of Newcastle United’s longest running fanzine, The Mag, after 289 issues and another of Baltic Publications’ titles, True Faith, after 111 issues. Of course, The Mag’s editor Mark Jensen has been a part of NUST’s board since the 2010 elections and Michael Martin, who fulfils a similar role at True Faith, was elected in February. With Steve Wraith passing on #9 to an editorial board drawn from supporters of NUFC Fans United and Mickey Edmundson’s Black & White Daft disappearing, it seems that Newcastle has gone from 4 print fanzines to none. This is actually a terribly sad state of affairs, as it leaves Heaton Stannington’s programme as the best non-digital football publication on Tyneside.

As I sat upstairs on the 38 (not “the metty” with a cat from the Curva Nord I have to stress) to High Heaton, heading back to The Stan and my people in Dene ward, it occurred to me that there is a gap in the market for a quality, printed NUFC fanzine; not one that is, and I stress these are only my personal opinions, dull as dishwater like The Mag, other than Chris Tait’s pieces, has been since 2004 or the po-faced and hectoring approach that True Faith has had since issue 51, but a publication that is an actual republique des lettres. We need a stripped-down, back-to-basics, print inkie, full of thoughtful, articulate, nuanced, crafted pieces from writers who are granted the length to develop their ideas fully. It can’t be like Twitter. We need warmth, compassion and inclusivity.


Watch this space…

Sunday 6 April 2014

Why I am standing for TUSC


There comes a time in everyone’s life when words are no longer enough; for me I think it was the untimely death of Bob Crow, who so inspired me with his oratory firstly at a rally on Newcastle Quayside on the occasion of the strike by members of UCU, NUT, PCS and other unions to try and protect public sector pensions on November 30th 2012 and latterly at the Durham Miners’ Gala last July. I think his passing told me that impotent rage, furiously directed at the television during Newsnight, Panorama or Question Time would get me nowhere; raving and bawling at the telly was preaching to the converted at home and wouldn’t achieve anything. This is why I’ve decided to do something. Specifically, I am intending to stand for Trade Unionist and Socialist Coalition in May’s Council Elections in my ward, Dene. This is provided I achieve the necessary 10 nominations needed to get my name on the ballot, of course.

Instinctively, my politics lead me towards the Socialist Party of Great Britain (http://www.worldsocialism.org/index.php), but let’s be perfectly honest, the philosophy of SPGB and companion parties are idealist to the point of an impossible dream. I’ve been pragmatic enough to vote for a whole array of parties to the left of Labour over the years; not just SPGB, but Respect, the Communist Party and in the last European elections and this one as well, the appallingly monikered coalition No2EU. In both that amalgamation and TUSC, the key word is coalition, showing it to be an amalgamation of varying strands of current left wing organisations. As the SWP is part of TUSC, I was worried; not only because I have no time for them after their latest appalling sex scandal and the way they covered it up, but also from my pragmatic union branch secretary role, where as a UCU IBL activist, I’ve fought consistently against the dreadful tactics of wrongheaded confrontation over the past 7 years; if the SWP had anything to do with it, they wouldn’t want me on the ballot. However, I’ve passed muster, despite not being on message with either the SWP or the former Militant group who abandoned entrism and are now known as the Socialist Party.

It isn’t my intention to join the Socialist Party or SWP after this election, but I am paying a standing order to TUSC each month from now on, because I agree with the core principles that TUSC is standing on, which can be viewed at www.tusc.org.uk  but essentially state that all elected TUSC representatives will -:

  • Oppose all cuts to council jobs, services, pay and conditions.
  • Refuse to implement the Bedroom Tax.
  • Support all workers' struggles against the cuts, privatisation and the government's policy of making ordinary people pay for the crisis caused by the bankers and the bosses.
  • Reject increases in council tax, rent and service charges to compensate for government cuts.
  • Vote against the privatisation of council jobs and services, or the transfer of council services to 'social enterprises' or 'arms-length' management organisations.
  • Oppose racism and fascism and stand up for equality for all.
  • Use all the legal powers available to councils to oppose both the cuts and government policies which centrally impose the transfer of public services to private bodies.
  • Campaign for the introduction of a Living Wage above the minimum wage, including for council employees and those working for council contractors.
  • Vote for councils to refuse to implement the cuts.
  • Support action against climate change and for a future where sustainability comes before profit.
Now, let’s be honest about this, these policies are not radical; they are the basic, decent values that any human being who has a scintilla of compassion for the human race would share. Sadly, I’m not going to win; High Heaton has returned Lib Dems for the whole 16 I’ve lived here and I would imagine for a similar period before that. Pre Gang of Four, I’d warrant that the Tories, who haven’t existed on Newcastle City Council for a generation now, would have been the incumbents. However, I feel it behoves me to offer an alternative to the supporters and apologists of austerity from Lib Dem and Labour. The election is May 23rd, but I need nominations as soon as possible. If you live in Dene ward and are prepared to nominate me, please let me know as a matter of urgency.


Thank you for reading.